© 2014 harper blue music

while you’re mourning the death of a son
who had never been alive
i am mourning the senseless waste of
your daughter’s final night
oh how tired and empty all of
your words turned out to be
now she’s gone and she’ll never teach you
the things you need to see
didn’t you want to meet your daughter
didn’t you want to know her name
leelah needed both her parents
to give her love in jesus’ name
maybe that will sound familiar
for aren’t god and love the same
faith and hope have led you nowhere
she is gone and you’re to blame
you said god doesn’t make mistakes
well let’s stipulate that’s true
wasn’t that soul inside that body
a test for her and you
you were given the chance of chances
to demonstrate god’s love
now your failure has brought you mis-
ery from up above
leelah needed time
she needed love while she was alive
she needed to be who she was
not who you wanted

This morning, I woke up around 9a and scrolled through tumblr while I had my wake-up bottle of water, like I do. I saw a post from another trans girl, a collection of selfies, and thought, "that’s nice," and I followed her, as I do with pretty much anyone trans these days. Not long after, I saw a number of posts about a trans girl named Leelah Alcorn who had committed suicide and queued a suicide note to post onto her tumblr. When I clicked through to the note, I saw that it was the same girl I had just followed not ten minutes before.

I haven’t been singing lately, because my own voice feels like it’s wrong for who I am, so I’m out of practice at it. But I do still write, and when something really awful happens, I write easily. The last post I wrote was for the first song of the year. This will be for the last. Here is an mp3 demo.

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