While looking around to see if Crumb still existed and had put out any records I missed, I discovered a newer, crappier band also called Crumb. I was sad, because at first I thought they’d put out a new record, then I discovered it was just some random trio from Ireland. However, I did find out that Robby Cronholm has a new band called Taxes. His voice doesn’t sound like it used to, I’m not sure what’s different about it. I hope he keeps making music, in any case. He’s very good.

I’ve been thinking about what “demo” means, too, and I’m considering going for quantity over quality for a bit.  The big hold-up has always been that the recordings don’t sound good enough for my taste, but that creates a sort of negative vortex of displeasure with the end product, which leads to less production, which leads to less practice, which leads to displeasure with the end product.

My girlfriend and I have been excavating our way through the living room, which holds treasured ancient artifacts like the 788 beneath its mountain ranges.  I’ve always felt that most of my songs were like lanced boils, things born of pain that demand release, though hopefully less disgusting.  They’ve been demanding release more frequently these days, for whatever reason.

So I’d like to start producing what I would characterize as “junk demos,” with truly terrible production values and laughable rhythm performances, courtesy of Dr. 670, but with the not insignificant advantage of being audible to people other than me.  We’ll see how this new initiative pans out.  Me and initiative, not the best of friends.

Sorry, the first News update in literally years doesn’t include any new songs. I do have lyrics for several, for, as always, though I am not terribly reliable about sharing, I am pretty reliable about actually writing. Priorities and goals are liquid at this point, not just for my “band,” but for life in general. It’s all very daunting. Life, I mean. My stomach is upset just thinking about it, nevermind facing it.

On the up side, that feeling almost always results in good, new music. Among other things. See you soon. Ish.

i’ll die with a smile
painted upon my face
and leave you eliza but
don’t you dare wait
i’m off to see daddy
i’m up with my fame
now that i’m stuck here
i’ll always be late
but i don’t feel so dead
and i don’t feel like dad
just like you see me
after i have left
just like you to use me
for your own ends
come on sell tickets
come on come on sell brandon lee
sell pieces of headstone
sell pieces of me
well and truly dead
well and truly dad

Get the final demo and listen to it with your dad.

This is definitely one of my favorite songs. It takes some artistic license as I presume to know what a dead Brandon Lee might have to say, but I like to think it isn’t too far off. From a songwriting perspective, this is probably the most complete piece I’ve ever done. The song is littered with musical metaphors for Brandon’s career, and yes, the song is supposed to end like that.

I only demoed this one once, but I will definitely practice and polish it, and take it to a real studio soon.

i get no satisfaction out of life
or out of myself
i get nothing that i want
e.g. i’d like to get away from me
and be someone else
or at least sleep a lot more
my placemat says i seek tranquility
that’s about right
my opposite is the cock
i’m not so sure about the second part
if i turn you on
you’ll end up pretty pissed off
examining
priorities
shows exactly what is wrong with me
examining
priorities
shows exactly what is wrong with me
my placemat says that i’m the luckiest
but luck can be bad
and luck can be all you’ve got
my placemat says that i am talented
i guess it’s a fact
i’m good at putting things off
and then it says that i’m articulate
so why can’t i talk
why can’t i get it across
it also says here i’m affectionate
that’s kind of rough
i’ve driven everyone off
examining
priorities
shows exactly what is wrong with me
examining
priorities shows exactly what is wrong with me

I was sitting at my desk playing a computer game and ironically wondering why things are taking so long for me. Sit on that for a moment.

Not just with the music, but in general. I thought about how I tend to sit at home and keep to myself, and that got me thinking about why I’m like that. At some point, the wandering mind led me to those little Chinese Zodiac placemats in every Chinese restaurant ever. I remembered two things offhand, that I’m supposed to be the luckiest of all signs, and that I seek tranquility. I’d like to think that that means that I’ll somehow find a way to sit at home and keep peacefully to myself forever, but then there’s the thought that I’ll never get anything done with my own business if I’m doing that.

I was planning to do an acoustic-guitar-only demo of this one and post it, but it’s a pretty full song that just doesn’t sound right in my head without the drums and all the rest going. I like this song quite a lot, though, and I’ll share a demo as soon as I’m able.

A rare acoustic cover.

The second track from the second major-label release by Third Eye Blind, Wounded is a really fantastic song that I only recently figured out how to play. And when I say “figured out,” I really mean “asked the Internet.”

Though I do enjoy playing covers for my own amusement, I’ve never actually committed one to tape (or disc) before. I think it highlights my technical failings, while at the same time underscoring the fact that my strengths really lie in composition and arrangement, and not necessarily performance. That may be a function of not actually having a band or practicing a whole lot, but in any case, recording this was still a useful exercise. It also happens to be a really fantastic song.

Anyway, as far as copyright goes, I think it’s ok for me to give this away and not reprint the lyrics. If I’m wrong, well… please don’t kill me or anything.

i had a fantasy
that the world waited while i grew up
and the going never really got tough
until i was ready for it
my days were not wasted
i often even got up
my decisions weren’t ever wrong
because i learned something from them
i
fell a long way
’til i
i
let it go
i
fell a long way
’til i
i
let it go
i miss plasticity
and the comfort of a metal arm
of the future that was never dark
before i ever knew a thing
so what have i wasted
what before and what ahead
why is it that i’m not dead
when i stopped growing long ago
i
fell a long way
’til i
i
let it go
i
fell a long way
’til i
i
let it go
when did it start
will it ever end
this wanting to never
have been
’cause i don’t believe
in anything
that includes me
but i had a fantasy

A fast/slow arrangement, which is a style I’ve gotten into more and more lately. It’s a nice change from soft/hard arrangements, and if done right, I find it more interesting. Not as overwrought as full-on time signature changes, e.g. 4/4 to 3/4, but more natural.

The hold-up on the demo for this song is probably going to be the drum part. It’s a little faster than I can play at tempo, so we’ll see how it goes. I do like the song, though, so I’m not planning to shelve it.

when i was 21
i saw the most amazing thing
i couldn’t talk to her
by one year later
we were having lunch every day
but i was married
so i’m here with you
and not where she is
i long for santa monica
but it’s not the place i miss
i’m always sure
in times like this
that all life has in store for me
is this wistfulness
this wistfulness
when i was 23
i lost the most amazing thing
she wouldn’t talk to me
by one year later
i would never hear from her again
but i was married
now i’m here with you
and not where she is
back in santa monica
with another chance i missed
i’m always sure
in times like this
that all life has in store for me
is this wistfulness
this wistfulness
so the opportunity
i most miss
is back in santa monica
around 1996
i’m always sure
in times like this
that all life has in store for me
is this wistfulness
this wistfulness
this wistfulness

Don’t let the first demo pass you by.

This is a pretty fast-paced number, reminiscent of , with a bit more of a melody. There are also some of those rare signs of a struggle vocal harmonies. I like this song very, very much. I think that everybody can identify with a feeling of regret, everybody can look back and say, “I wish I had done this or that differently.” It’s been pointed out to me that there are other interpretations regarding the song’s main theme, but any creative work is subject to that, so all I can do is apologize if the message, or rather, the message as interpreted per person, hurts anybody’s feelings.

Doing a demo of this one was pretty fun, though this song, more than anything else I’ve recorded to date, shows that I am clearly not a drummer. Mixing it was a challenge, because I use headphones to monitor the mix, as I have no studio monitor speakers. Little things like vocals sounding too loud and spacey are not there when you listen to it with, you know… speakers… and instead, I think the vocals came out a bit too low. But on the up side, though I’ve clearly not mastered the 788′s intricacies, I have at last figured out how to add some reverb, which helps the vocals sit a little more snugly in the mix.

I plan to demo this one again, and keep it alive for some time. I hope you enjoy it, too.

i won’t get far on my own
oh i know i’ve not got very far to go but
i won’t make it all alone and all alone
’cause i know what i know what i know is
i won’t get that far
i know

This is a pretty simple, sleepy song. It’s made up of a very short verse/chorus pair, and depending on how I’m feeling, I’ll play through it twice, or maybe ten times, who knows. I like this one, it’s very soothing. It was called “stutter” for awhile, but I was thinking about it the other day, and it’s really got nothing to do with stuttering, and is more of a quiet sound someone who’s given up might make. Hence, the title change.

The demo for this one will be easy enough to record as far as playing all the parts goes, but deciding how long to run it and how to end it is another story. I was thinking of placing it last on any given commercial-quality release, fading it out (which I ordinarily hate as a way of ending a song), and having it fade in to a hard cut to start the record. That would create an interesting endlessness if the entire album was put on serial repeat. Yes, people do actually think of stuff like that.

when you moved out
you took the things that made sense
you took the words that i said
and made them stupid and bad
and i meant every one
you took the things by the couch
i think you may even have
had someone take the bed out
i haven’t looked around
someone asked for a photo
i found some in your folders
i didn’t like sharing them
i did it anyway
sometimes i feel like i’m a fake
but now i think that that’s ok
sometimes i feel like i’m a waste
but now i think that that’s ok
when you moved out
you left some bills on my desk
you took your clothes and the chest
you left something in my head
that i can’t get around
should i be grateful for your
letting me borrow your car
you got it when you lost mine
i paid for most of it
the cats don’t know who you are
the dog well he doesn’t care
he’s happy when you’re around
when i’m just standing there
sometimes i feel like i’m too late
but now i think that that’s ok
sometimes i don’t believe in fate
but this looks like my life to me

This song that came out of me when my then-wife moved out of our apartment. I guess that makes it a breakup song, and everybody gets those, right? It’s a strange number that has an almost N Sync-like feel to it.

What I have yet to decide is just how much I’ll push that feel when I finally get around to demoing and ultimately doing a studio cut of it.